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The Black Women's Guide to What's Hot Now!

 

Big Love: On His Mind

Although society has us thinking that anyone above a size 4 is overweight, I've been surrounded by plus-size women - my mother, my sister, my aunts - all my life, so I never looked at it as a negative attribute. To me, it's completely the norm. As early as high school, I dated girls who were plus-size, and both of my ex-wives are. As a guy who's 6 feet 6 inches and 235 pounds, my woman's got to have the behind, the breasts and the thickness around her waist to hold her own with me. Not that I think smaller women are more fragile; I just like meat with my potatoes.

Now I'm a firm believer that you don't have to be unhealthy just because you're pleasantly plump. As a former pro baller, I want my woman to be big, not out of shape, like my sexy dream girls Queen Latifah and Mo'Nique. When I go to a bar or a club, I love to see a beautiful woman in a slinky dress and mile-high heels. I just prefer the sister wearing the larger slinky dress and three-inch pumps.

But being with full-figured women can have its challenges. Along with the reproachful "What are you doing with her?" looks that I usually receive from slim women, I often have to worry about my woman's insecurities. The last person I dated seriously, I was honest with and faithful to for the entire relationship. But if a thin woman walked by and looked at me, my lady would immediately accuse me of wanting her just because she was smaller. Even though my woman knew my dating history, it was just a knee-jerk reaction whenever she felt threatened by a female of smaller size. I did everything I could to make her feel secure: openly displaying affection, always having her by my side, taking her shopping, and encouraging her to wear sexy lingerie. Our relationship ended because she wanted kids and I didn't, but I'll never forget how much her unnecessary insecurity bothered me.

Despite all of that, I still prefer the company of big women. And I'm not an anomaly. Plenty of men are turned on by a voluptuous physique-perhaps because they believe that big women tend to be more sexually adventurous than smaller sisters. In my experience plus-size women have been much more experimental with positions. And we all know that when the lights go out, and you two are alone and have to talk, it's got to be about more than how small your jeans are. On the contrary, I've found that most slender women are often overly preoccupied with fitting society's standards for the "trophy wife," while more ample women focus on the loving. They're working harder to please their man-and they can cook too!

Currently, I'm a single man. That's not because of a shortage of full-size sisters, but because after two divorces, it's time to redefine myself. I need to discover what makes me happy so that when I do meet the right woman, I can offer her a complete package (physical, spiritual and emotional availability). I don't foresee getting remarried, but I certainly hope to spend the remainder of my days with one special, sensitive, beautiful plus-size woman.

 

Photo Credit: Chris Hartlove

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RT @essenceonline: Big Love: On His Mind Big Love: On His Mind @essenceonline
hi, Jeff why are you still single if you really love phat sis? am dubbed by one Jeff cos he thinks am fat that's why i dont believe you Jeffs now.
Posted at 9/26/2009 4:57 PM by emma
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I applaued for your knowing what you want and sticking to it! As a full-figured woman who has not always been acceptable of whom she is stands and declares that I love the skin that I am in. Society says no, but I say yes. . Much love and success to you
Posted at 8/04/2009 12:58 PM by Sheila
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I loved your perspective. I'd like to know what you are up to these days?
Posted at 4/29/2009 1:59 PM by Pat
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While I agree that there is someone for everyone, and everyone likes what the like,I do not agree with the notion that only full-figured women can cook and want to please their men, and are the only ones adventerous in the bed....I do believe it has to do with whom the person is on the inside and their personal morals and standards.. all people are beautiful, but if you don't believe it for yourself....who else will???
Posted at 12/09/2008 6:17 PM by ms free
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I am a PHAT (Pretty Hot And Thick) woman and I love who I am. It has not always been that way, but today I can say that with confidence. I have never been thin and choose not to be. I love looking sexy. It is a joy to hear a man talk about what he wants and living his desires and not letting society tell him what he likes or should like. As a motivational speaker I stand in front of people all the time, some days it is hard, but I have learned that if you don't like what you see then you have to deal with your issues. I will not take your insecurities and try to live to the image you want me to be. My heart, mind, and desires speak for me and tell me how to live. I am only defined by my actions. Again thank you for showing that full-figured women are women who need to be loved.
Posted at 9/18/2008 2:41 PM by Roberta
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